I totally do not have worms

Mum tricked me today. She asked me if I wanted a tasty treat. She made me sit nicely then she threw a biscuit and I jumped and caught it.
   Big mistake!
   It tasted of extra-mature broccoli with a swede and spinach coating. No dog with any taste buds would call that tasty. I spat it out.
    ‘You’ve got to eat it,’ Mum said. ‘It’s a worming tablet.’
    ‘I don’t have worms,’ I said.
    Mum picked the tablet up and hid it in her hand. She reached out as if she wanted to fondle my ears, as if I was stupid. I ducked my head and darted round the back of the kitchen table.
    ‘Come on, Mickey, it’s good for you,’ she said as she came round the other side of the table to head me off.
    ‘I don’t have worms,’ I said.
    She grabbed my collar and wrapped her arm around my head, crushing my ears with her arm pit. She prised open my jaws and tried to slip that disgusting thing onto my tongue.
    ‘I don’t have worms,’ I said as I spat out the tablet again.
    ‘What’s going on?’ Andrew said as he came into the kitchen.
    ‘Mickey’s got tape worm. I saw it in his poo this morning,’ Mum said.
     I didn’t know what she was talking about.
    ‘What’s it look like?’ Andrew said.
    ‘A long thin white line of plastic, covered in dog poo,’ Mum said.
    ‘I don’t have worms,’ I said, but no one was listening. The humans carried on talking and Mum took a packet of Swedish Meatballs out of the fridge. Now they are tasty, but she spoiled it by shoving the worming tablet inside.
    ‘Mickey, here!’ Mum said waving the broccoli infested meatball in front of my nose.
     I don’t have worms and I don’t like worming tablets but I took that meatball, rolled it around inside my mouth for a moment or two before spitting out the tablet and swallowing the meatball. 
   ’Mickey!’ Mum sounded cross now. 
   I scooted round the back of the kitchen table to hide. If she could speak dog, she’d know I don’t like taking medicine unnecessarily. So I was just going to have to show her what I was on about.
    Mum and Andrew were saying so many unkind things about me they didn’t notice me going over to the sink. I pulled open the cupboard, stuck my snout in the bin and came out with …

   ’What’s he got now?’ Andrew said.
   ’A pepperami wrapper and a pepperami condom, with long thin white plastic lines on it,’ Mum said with a sigh as she picked up the wrappers.
   ’I told you I don’t have worms,’ I said.
    She must have heard me this time. She threw the worming tablet in the bin.
    To reward her for her excellent behaviour, I leapt up and grabbed the spicy sausage flavoured plastic treat out of her other hand and swallowed it whole.

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